atlanta · lessons · life & love · relationships · self care · self love · self-discovery · wisdom

It Doesn’t Take a Whole Day to Recognize Sunshine

There are very few times in life when someone says something to me that stops me in my tracks. That silences my voice and makes me go “Hmmmm.”

It was during a heart to heart with a best friend earlier this week when he said something so simple that it nearly brought me to tears.
To put it in context, I was sharing my thoughts on a repeat pattern in my dating life. Men I meet often seem to want exclusivity before truly getting to know me. Date #3 seems to be the magic number for “the talk” (and no – the goodies are not always given up so early!). While I’m usually not the one to bring it up, I have agreed, on a few occasions, to be exclusive so soon in to dating someone (I’ve actually also been proposed to on a first date, but that relationship broke a lot of rules from the beginning!). The problem? Well for starters, how well do you really know someone after three dates? Neither person has proven themselves worthy of exclusivity yet. Call me old-fashioned, but I do believe there still needs to be a period of “woo-ing” – where flowers are bought, doors are opened, calls are made instead of texts being sent. The problem with jumping into exclusivity too quickly is we bypass courting and go directly into a relationship. It was when I asked Eric why he believes (from a guy’s perspective) I keep finding myself in these “exclusive talks” with guys locking it down. And that’s when Eric said it. 
“Jenn. I’ve dated a lot in my day. I’ve met all kinds of women. Trust me, men are simple. It doesn’t take us a whole day to recognize sunshine.”
Heart. Melted.
While I think Eric may be biased, I do agree that faults considered, by the whole, I am a breath of fresh air to date. I’m open and try to be a good communicator. I’m secure in myself and know my worth – therefore rarely do I ever get jealous for no reason, or act possessive or controlling. I love to laugh and have fun – and try not to take things too seriously. So while there are times when I reflect on past relationships and wonder why they didn’t work out, I think it’s actually time to thank those relationships for the lessons they bestowed upon me. 
Thank you for reiterating that our gut instincts never lie.
Thank you for showing me that wanting you and needing you are two different things entirely. 
Thank you for showing me that no one deserves to be treated as an option, while the other is treated as a priority. 
Thanks for taking care of me when I physically couldn’t take care of myself.
Thank you for reminding me that I deserve to be included in your life.
Thank you for showing me new parts of the world.
Thank you for showing me places I’ve already been, but through an entirely different lens.
Thanks for sharing your small hometown with this big city girl.
Thank you for opening up your loving family to me.
Thank you for making me feel safe to talk and be vulnerable.
Thank you for showing me where you fell short. And where I did.
Thank you for showing me what I need. What I want. And what I can and can no longer accept.  

And thank you. Thank you for making me courageous and brave. And a believer in loving one more time. 

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