active · atlanta · fitnesscompetitor · life & love · npcbikini · self love

NPC Bikini Prep 7 Weeks Out… and How to Quell Overthinking

53 days. There are 53 days between a stage, tiny bikini and me.

I vividly remember a conversation with my girlfriend Beth back in May. She said two months before my competition she’d start “giving me space” because I’d probably be tired and hungry. Well, thanks to the power of Advil PM, I’m no longer tired. However, I am hungry. And technically not hungry since I do eat 7 times a day… but I am now craving the most RANDOM foods like never before. Candy corn. Pumpkin spice lattes. BBQ Brisket with Mac Cheese. Smores. Sushi. ALL. THE. WINE. 

My dad was in town visiting this weekend and I just about SNAPPED on the poor man as he reached for a bag of Twizzlers at the store. I nearly teared up watching him enjoy my favorite meal, at my favorite restaurant, while I pulled out a chicken breast from my YSL clutch. 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – comp prep is 99% mental. The mind is such a powerful thing. The more I tell myself I don’t need to succumb to my cravings, the stronger I feel. On the days when I say I can’t do it, I truly feel like I can’t stomach another morsel of fish or ground turkey. This fitness journey is MIND over MATTER – a lesson I’m re-learning daily.

With just 53 days till my show, I’ve begun letting my mind wander about what I want after the show – which will apparently be an all day affair (pre-judging begins in the morning, lunchtime break followed by an evening show!). I’ve decided a small zip lock baggie of candy corn mixed with roasted peanuts is exactly what I want (although this surely will change 100 times between now and then). The day after my show, I have a photoshoot with the amazingly talented Kelli Price – SO excited to have some tangible proof of this strong, lean little body I’m building. Immediately following that shoot, I plan to get brunch with friends at General Muir here in Atlanta. Embarrassingly, I totally look at pictures of their poutine and pastry basket on Instagram and let myself drool. Look at these pictures and tell me they don’t look delicious AF.

Alright, putting my inner fat kid away, here is my 7 weeks out progress. 

For someone who is generally very critical of herself, I must admit… I love this picture. It was just before a special dinner out with a hunky someone – and that ear to ear smile doesn’t lie. Beyond how genuinely happy I felt the night this picture was taken, I love how lean my legs are looking! Being a whopping 5’2, it’s sometimes hard to appreciate my short legs… but this picture shows just how toned they’re getting! The short shorts and tank were both purchased from the kids department at Marshalls (no shame in my game!) – as I can’t bring myself to continue wearing my clothes which no longer fit, yet I don’t want to invest a ton of money as I’m not sure I’ll be maintaining my size 0 frame after my show. All in all, I feel strong and happy. I’m not sure where I’ll be in 7 weeks – but I am going day by day, placing confidence in my coach AND myself. 

Switching gears… I’d be a liar if I sat here portraying life to be all unicorns shitting rainbows. I’m human, and like everyone else walking planet earth, I deal with my own insecurities and vulnerabilities. Recently, I started dating someone and began a swirl of super unhealthy thinking. Is he as interested in me as I am in him? Is he dating anyone else? The list goes on. It’s funny because I normally don’t over analyze many things in life… but when I meet someone I really like (RARE!)… all hell breaks lose. For anyone else out there who falls victim to overthinking, you all know how downright debilitating it can be. I don’t mean to do it, it just sort of happens. And the scary part of overthinking is that it allows us to create negative thought processes, situations and problems that aren’t actually there. I recently saw a quote “Don’t believe everything you think” – how genius. It’s not an easy pattern to break, however. And I’ve had to diligently work on quelling the inner thoughts that make me go crazy inside. I have to remember to breathe, relax and have faith. Nothing gets away that’s meant to be yours. When something is meant to be, it WILL. Whether you over analyze or refuse to give it a second thought. I also try and replace each negative thought with one positive fact. I.e.: {negative thought} I really like him, what if he doesn’t feel the same? {positive fact} He couldn’t wait to introduce you to his best friend. Men don’t introduce you to their childhood friends if they’re not interested. He was attentive, affectionate and treated you like a very important person in his life. Relax, woman! 

In my moments of over-thinking, I’ve found the following helps most: Take a deep breath. Ask myself “will this matter in a year? 5 years?” Distract myself by going to workout, calling a friend/family member, walking Lucy, and praying. I’ve literally dropped to my knees and prayed to g-d to give me the strength to trust in Him and release the worry when times get tough. And every time, it makes me feel substantially better. 

For all of my fellow over-thinkers out there, give it a try. I hope just one, if not all, of these tactics help you, too! Even the most confident individuals struggle with self-doubt… after all, we all carry around the wounds from past relationships. Been cheated on? How could you not have trust issues. Been abandoned? Surely you’ll be waiting for the shoe to drop this time around. 

They say time heals all wounds, and while I do agree… I also believe love heals our wounds. As long as we have the strength and courage to believe in love just one more time. 


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