atlanta · self love · wisdom

Where OH Where Has the Time Gone?!

It’s been nearly 2 months since my last blog post. Where oh where has the time gone?! I cannot believe it’s 2016 already – it seems as though the holidays flew right on by. With my show on 10/31 quickly followed by a week-long trip to Mexico, hosting Thanksgiving for my family in my new home, weeks of back to back holiday parties, and Christmas/New Years celebrated in California, it seems like the last two months have been a complete blur. 

I guess the old adage is true. Time flies when you’re having fun. 

I started this blog nearly one year ago – with the thought of sharing tidbits from my life. Sometimes I wrote about challenges I faced: how to live in the moment, how to be present and content without waiting for tomorrow, and how to stay in shape while traveling. I started a weekly series “The time I tried…” with the intent of pushing myself to try new things – from Orangetheory to Meditating. And then I’d blog about my experience to you all. Around May of last year I embarked upon my journey to compete in my first NPC Bikini Competition – and you all were beyond supportive. I’d post weekly updates and the encouraging words I received from all my readers moved me to tears (that may have also been extreme hunger pains, but I’ll give you credit for most of it!). 

And here we are. A new year. A new start. This may be hard for me to say – being the extremely Type-A, goal-oriented individual I am… but this year, my goal is…. to have no goal.

Let me explain.

For as long as I can remember in my nearly 32 years of life, I have always had a goal. It’s just the way my brain works. I like to have a metaphorical carrot dangling in front of me – to guide me, push me, and drive me towards greatness. Over the past 5 years, some of my goals have included:

  • Run a 5K
  • Join Crossfit
  • Be able to do an un-assisted pullup
  • Compete in Crossfit
  • Travel to a foreign country I’ve never been. Alone.
  • Get promoted
  • Complete a triathlon
  • Take up trail running
  • Complete a 15k trail run with girlfriends
  • Spend more time alone
  • Try meditating
  • Become a certified Barre instructor
  • Get an actual job teaching Barre classes
  • Stop worrying about what will be
  • Compete in a bikini fitness competition 
  • Sell my condo
  • Buy a single family home

I’m proud to say, I’ve kicked the crap out of all the goals listed above. Made ’em all my biatch. And it feels amazing. I went to Bali, I’ve worked my tail off at work, I’ve come to realize who I am and what I want out of life, I’ve attacked and concquered some fitness-related goals I honestly never thought I was capable of…. and more. 

So I bet you’re wondering – if goal-setting has been so wonderful for you thus far, why stop now? Well, because… I was pouring myself into so many aspects of my life to distract myself from the fact that my heart was missing its counterpart. Despite how successful I was in my career, or how flat my abs were, or how many Delta SkyMiles I racked up… something was always missing. And for the first time in my entire life, I feel whole. My cup runneth over. Career. Friends. Home. Love. Family. Personal. All cylinders are firing and I am beyond grateful. 

So this year, I am flipping the script. No goals. No black and white list of things to accomplish. Will I accomplish some great things? I sure hope so! Maybe I’ll compete again. Maybe I’ll get back to long distance running. Perhaps I’ll keep pushing and go after that VP title that’s in the not-too-distant-future. Maybe the man and I will take a new step in our relationship. I don’t have a crystal ball – and I don’t know what the year ahead has in store for me. And you know what? I’m okay with that. In fact, I’m MORE than okay with that. 

My plan is to have no plan. Keep living in the present moment, continue practicing gratitude, continue to better myself because that’s what those who love me deserve… 

When I was unsure of myself and who I was, the unknown terrified me. Now that I finally feel at peace with myself, with my life, I am no longer afraid. I’m excited.

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